seropositif

How would you feel if you were to find out that you tested positive for HIV?

Don’t worry, I did NOT test positive; I am merely positing about what it must feel like to be sitting in a clinic and hear the words “You have HIV”. What would go through your head? Fear? Guilt? Freedom? If I was back in America I’m sure that my first reaction would be something along the lines of receiving a death sentence. But only initially. Then I’d realize that yes, I’m infected, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to die the next day, or even the next month or next year. In fact, living in the US, it is relatively easy to receive ARV treatment and other life-saving drugs so as long as I keep myself as healthy as possible by eating properly, I can live a relatively “long” life. Also, stigma against the disease has been reduced significantly since the early 1990s so I could live a relatively “normal” life as well such as keeping my job, friends and even a dating life.

No try imagining hearing those words again, but instead of being in America (or some other western “developed” country) you are now in Togo. Unlike America which has access to some of the best medicine in the world, being in Togo is a very different scenario. Already, most Togolese are blindly unaware of proper hygiene and nutritional habits which already leads to slightly poorer health (although that might be negated in the US by our obscene obesity levels…); poor health means HIV can transition to AIDS much quicker and take it’s toll on their bodies. Now, policy has changed very recently and ARV drugs are at the moment being offered at a low price; however the process of acquiring the drugs is a long and complicated process requiring a considerable about of money to be paid upfront for various tests and doctor’s visits. So although it is possible to now live with the disease here in Togo, various external factors do play a significant role in exaggerating the effect of AIDS in Togo.

Yesterday Vie Saine and PSI hosted another free testing day (“dépistage”) at the local hospital and I sat in with Fortuné during the pre- and post- psychosocial counseling sessions. For the first time (ever) I was actually in the room when a young woman found out for the first time that she tested positive for the antibodies. I just sat there staring and my mind started to wonder what must be running through her mind at this moment. I didn’t know anything about this woman. She looked about 35 but it’s hard to determine someone’s age (apart from “young”, “old” and “very old”) here in Togo. Was she married? Is her husband infected? Does she have kids? Are they infected? How long has she been infected for? Does she have enough money to afford the tests to receive a carnet, making her eligible for ARVs? Does she have enough money to get drugs for her kids if they are infected? What if her husband leaves her? Does she have a job? Can she remain healthy enough to keep her job? If she loses her job how will she provide for her children? Etcetera…

So if you are positive back in the States (or even if you are negative but might test positive one day) just remember how lucky you are to be in a place where your fate, no matter how grim it may seem, is a lot more optimistic.

more ponderings to come,
-Nikhil